The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
