Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Randomize
