i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
