I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
