So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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