I could have mohawked her pubes.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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