living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
