So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
