im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
