I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Randomize
