I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i dont even know how to be here
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
