Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
