she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
