i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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