Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hippo gnu deer
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
