ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
