She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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