ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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