What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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