Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
