You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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