You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
