And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
