Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
