Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
