Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Randomize
