Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
