Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize