This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
What a dumb baby whore.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
