just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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