Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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