every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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