i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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