he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
