He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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