just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
