Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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