Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
only if we run a train.
done.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
