DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
