Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think your dad took our porno
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
