I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
