Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
