she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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