I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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