I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
