there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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