We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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