I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
