when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
