so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
